This is a majorly icky year.

In May, Joan of Arc, hippest teen heretic of the 15th Century, was burned at the stake.

She was deserted by the French king (men!) despite having led an army that kicked the English out of France in 1429.

Perhaps more importantly, Joan (of "I-hear-divine-voices" fame) revolutionized fashion. Out: Skirts. In: Unisex chain mail and tin helmets.

The youngest child of a farmer, Joan began hearing voices at 13, before there were Books on Tape. God told her, she said, that her destiny was to lead an army that would defeat the English.

At 16, Joan began dressing in boy's clothing (oh-so-trendy for 1428) and convinced Charles VII (who wasn't yet King of France, because of English invaders) to let her lead troops.

In 1429, Joan (soon to be known as Buffy, the English-slayer) totally went off, winning several key battles, which led to the defeat of the English. Charles VII was then crowned King of France.

Joan later lost a battle in May (even martyrs have bad hair days -- especially when they wear metal helmets), and was captured by the Burgundian Army, who sold her (for 10,000 gold crowns) to the English.

The English wanted her dead and asked Catholic Inquisitors to find her guilty of witchcraft and heresy. They did, saying that it was heresy to talk to God directly and leave the Catholic Church out of the process.

King Charles VII (can you say back-stabber with a total fear of peasant-girl power?) didn't even try to rescue Joan. He let the English burn her at the stake in May of this year.

Duh. She was only France's most beloved hero.

(Footnote: The Catholic Church later -- much later -- changed its mind and declared her a Saint in 1920.)

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Are you Martyr Material? Take this I-Wanna-Be-Like-Joan Test.

A. You hear voices from God telling you to lead a French Army. You:
1. Check yourself into a mental hospital.
2. Ask God how He came up with frosted lipstick and lime-green polyester tuxedos. What was He thinking?
3. Say "What the heck" and give it a shot.

B. It's the night before an important battle and you've forgotten to study a battle plan. You:
1. Blow off studying, thinking that you can bluff your way through -- God is on your side, right?
2. Plan to study, but ending up watching "I Love Charles VII" re-runs all night.
3. Pray

C. You're about to be burned at the stake. You:
1. Check your makeup in a mirror. Even martyrs gotta look good.
2. Laugh out loud and say , the whole "voices from God" thing was only a harmless gag.
3. Ask to see a cross and tell your persecutors you'll be going home to God.
   

   Your score: Give yourself 1 point for every "1" answered, 2 points for every "2" answered, and 3 points for every "3".

   7-9 Points=You're totally Joan. Put on that armor and grab that lance, you're ready to sacrifice yourself for your beliefs!

   4-6 Points=You're just shy of a believer.

   Less than 4 points=Give it up. You'll never make it to the pyre.